~~~~~~~~~~~
Neelix:
Sitting by the viewport, Neelix sipped his tea.
It was going to be busy tomorrow. Mr Paris had planned the menu - roast turkey and all the trimmings. Neelix had no idea what ‘trimmings’ were.
Outside the viewport, a strange vessel appeared. Nine quadrupeds harnessed to a structure. To Neelix, the animals looked like the Talaxian Lox, a delicacy, if cooked correctly with Leola root and a dash of his secret Talaxian spice mix. He’d use his diplomatic skills to buy one animal.
“Ho! Ho! Ho!”
The strangely dressed man beamed aboard.
“Welcome aboard, I’m Neelix, Ambassador and cook …”
~~~~~~~~~~~
Tom and B’Elanna:
“How many chimneys does Father Christmas go down?” Turning around at the helm, Tom smiled.
The jokes were flying as all the senior officers were in the ready room.
Tom waited a few moments. “Stacks!”
Groans soon followed.
There was a flash on the screen.
“Holy shit!”
Tom swore as he pressed the emergency hard to port control. Yellow alert warning lights flashed and crew stumbled as the ship turned hard to avoid a collision.
‘Ho! Ho! Ho!’ sounds filled the bridge and Tom looked gobsmacked while all B’Elanna wanted to do was to have a look at the engines.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuvok:
“Security Officer’s Log, Stardate 51981.9:
At 2350 hours last night, Lt. Ayala reported unknown transporter activity. Sensors indicated materializations throughout the ship. Fearing attack, I beamed the objects into space and ordered a Red alert.
Sensors then detected a vessel of the starboard bow. I requested a visual and as the image was being displayed, the alien sent a greeting of “Ho! Ho! Ho!”
The captain immediately recognized the alien and his vessel and cancelled the red alert. How could the captain recognize the alien if he was native to the Delta Quadrant?
I will meditate on it later tonight.”
~~~~~~~~~~~
Kim:
The long range sensors beeped, startling a tired Harry.
“What the …?” He couldn’t believe it.
An unknown wooden structure was moving at warp 9.5 toward them, filled with brightly coloured boxes in a sack. There was a large humanoid inside it and nine life forms were attached to the vessel.
Now the vessel was contacting them. “Incoming message, Captain.”
“Open a channel.”
“Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!” Santa wasted no time, beaming the presents over and then turned around to go back to Earth as fast as he could.
Opening his present, Harry smiled. It was another rank pin.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Seven:
“Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration,
And throughout our place of residence,
Kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential,
Including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.”
Seven knew her version was perfect.
The Astrometric console beeped. A primitive vessel was approaching fast with one occupant without an EVA suit.
Scared, it had to be Species 8472. Only they could withstand the vacuum of space.
Before the creature had fully rematerialized, Seven had her phaser out.
“Ho! Ho!…”
“Noooo! Don’t shoot!” The captain shouted.
Too late.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kathryn and Chakotay:
Kathryn’s soft hand went up to his face, stroking his cheek. “I love you.”
“I love you.” His hands cupped her face and then they kissed passionately.
Moans of pleasure filled her quarters as the kiss deepened, clothes were shed and soon they tumbled onto her bed.
Starlight filled the room as Chakotay lay on top of Kathryn, sucking her nipple.
A flash of light distracted him and he looked up.
“Ho! Ho! Ho!”
In ecstasy, Kathryn didn’t move. She couldn’t.
And Chakotay didn’t care. “Not my holiday …” He mumbled at the strange man and returned to her hardened peak.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For Seven’s version the opening passage comes from this parody, Author unknown. http://www.rollanet.org/~anderson/nightb4p1.html#04
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