Merry Christmas to everyone at VAMB.
Thanks to Audabee for the read through
It was going to be busy tomorrow. Mr Paris had planned the menu - roast turkey and all the trimmings. Neelix had no idea what ‘trimmings’ were.
“Ho! Ho! Ho!” The strangely dressed man beamed aboard.
Tom and B’Elanna:
The jokes were flying as all the senior officers were in the ready room.
“How many chimneys does Father Christmas go down?” Turning around at the helm, Tom smiled.
Groans soon followed.
“Holy shit!” Tom swore as he pressed the emergency hard to port control. Yellow alert warning lights flashed and crew stumbled as the ship turned hard to avoid a collision.
At 2350 hours last night, Lt. Ayala reported unknown transporter activity. Sensors indicated materializations throughout the ship. Fearing attack, I beamed the objects into space and ordered a Red alert.
“Security Officer’s Log, Stardate 51981.9:
The captain immediately recognized the alien and his vessel and cancelled the red alert. How could the captain recognize the alien if he was native to the Delta Quadrant? I will meditate on it later tonight.”
“What the …?” He couldn’t believe it.
Now the vessel was contacting them. “Incoming message, Captain.”
“Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!” Santa wasted no time, beaming the presents over and then turned around to go back to Earth as fast as he could.
“Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration,And throughout our place of residence,
Kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential,Including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.”
The Astrometric console beeped. A primitive vessel was approaching fast with one occupant without an EVA suit.
Seven knew her version was perfect.
Before the creature had fully rematerialized, Seven had her phaser out.
“Noooo! Don’t shoot!” The captain shouted.
“I love you.” His hands cupped her face and then they kissed passionately.
Kathryn’s soft hand went up to his face, stroking his cheek. “I love you.”
Starlight filled the room as Chakotay lay on top of Kathryn, sucking her nipple.
“Ho! Ho! Ho!”
And Chakotay didn’t care. “Not my holiday …” He mumbled at the strange man and returned to her hardened peak.
For Seven’s version the opening passage comes from this parody, Author unknown. http://www.rollanet.org/~anderson/